I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
