my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
