Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
