she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize