I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
