I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
