you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
it glows. i had to have it.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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