Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
