I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
