Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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