No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Randomize
