The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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