we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
