Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
