i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
This is the high leading the old right now
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Randomize