My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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