They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
