if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
