I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Randomize
