I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
