Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
