You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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