I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
