hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
