Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
whose parrot is this?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
