Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
