New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
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