His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
