I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
