so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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