You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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