I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
