why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
