i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
