Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
