Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
