My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
