I wannas sexs uuuuu
please come you make the beer taste better
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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