Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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