I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
