Soap is not a condiment
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
