Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
