I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
