who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
