trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
