today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I have fence marks all over my body
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
