you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
