Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
