Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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