I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
