My sheets look like a crime scene.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
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