can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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