We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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