it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
