I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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