Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
