I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
