I molested 6 butterflies tonight
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
