So drunk its hurt
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i barfeds in our rink
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Randomize
