Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
My vagina is very pro this idea
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
