Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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