There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize