Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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