4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
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