I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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