I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
