My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
