please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
