yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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