I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I wear drunk well.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
