Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
