Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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