Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
