i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Randomize
