sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
