It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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