my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Even my vagina gasped.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
