I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
