if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
