God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
im holly from the hills drunk
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
