Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize