I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
