Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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