if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Randomize
