I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
