They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
