I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
