Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
