So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize